Ever walk into a room and all your self-doubts creep in? Same.
The other week I attended a dinner where I didn't know a soul in the room. There was a moment when I walked in and felt fine. Then the question "where do you work?" popped up. Somehow I coherently answered that I was on the market after a layoff, looking for a full-time consulting, project manager, or operation role while also doing consulting work for small businesses.
The question triggered me. Correction. I allowed the question to trigger me. I was standing there, no longer present, letting the doubts in my head take me away. The wounds of being laid off with 900 people began to re-open. The self-doubt voices started to make me uncomfortable.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
– Mark Twain.
With a few deep breaths, I snapped back to the present. I caught myself living in my head instead of the moment and recognized how those thoughts did not serve me. I told myself that the layoff was not a reflection of me or who I am.
I chose to walk over to another woman and start a conversation. It was the way she carried herself with confidence, the way she owned herself, and the way she answered my many questions about being confident in a room of crowded people that inspired me to write this post today. [Ashley, if you're reading this post, thank you]
Below I've compiled a list of tips from different people on how to enter a room with confidence and stay confident. This list should help squash those self-doubt voices once they start to creep into your head.
Before entering the room, remind yourself how incredible, how unique, and how spectacular you are. There is only one you in the world!
Before entering the room, practice answering basic questions about yourself and doing so with a smile.
Tell yourself that others will be lucky to meet you because ______. Identify your reason. It can be anything! It can be something about your personality, your career, or your interests. It can be because there is only one you in the world.
Practice active listening and curiosity, and ask questions. By focusing on those around you, you are being present and it does not welcome self-doubt.
Be self-aware and practice self-talk. The moment you catch yourself in your head, you are not living in the present. When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself how great you are!
The best way to conquer self-doubt is to focus on building confidence and to continue engaging with new conversations, people, environments, and events. It is important to remember that each person is unique and it is up to each of us to find the strategies that work best.
The next time you attend an event, a party, or a room where you know no one, keep these tips in mind.
If you know anyone that needs these tips, please feel free to share this with them.
Remember, it is normal to have self-doubts throughout different stages of life. The feeling is temporary and it is our choice how to respond to those doubts.
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